Hi love, I’m writing this, to tell you everything, about how I feel, about you, us and myself. Alright, let’s look back to the beginning. It was 3rd November 2009, also my birthday. I don’t know how are you in my friend list on Myspace, but everytime I clicked online friends, I’ll see you and I’ll definitely click your profile, look at your pictures. Everytime, I always wanted to start a conversation. Back then, I was thinking, “What’s wrong with this girl, why am I so attracted to her that me myself feel so shy to say hi.” And so, to the day where I finally said “Hi.” Asked for your number, called you sweet names and made you fell for me. But then, I was a player back then, I left you. Then I came back, I left you again. I hurt you so many times, but still, you wait for me. At the end of 2011, we fought. And I left again, but I’ve come to realized what’s before me. That is you, it was you all along. 18th January 2012, I know I must not let myself go this time, we had our first kiss, the first time I put my arms around you, I felt so alive and happy. I know you’re the one.
Okay, that’s the beginning, now to our journey. You went to travel Europe with your family, I knew it was one of the best time of your life, with us together, then travelling Europe. I still remember how worried I was when you didn’t say anything for a few days because there was no internet, and when you finally texted me, only God knows how relieve I was. When you got back, we went to Avril’s concert, we kissed during “I’m With You” and I still think of it until now. That song automatically became our song, whenever I listen to it, I’ll realised everything, about you. How I truly felt about you. It was a mistake, for me to let you go every time. I should’ve keep you safely in my arms and never let you go. It was a mistake, that I never learned. One more thing, do you remember “I See The Light”? From the movie Tangled, hee it is our song too.
I never stop caring about you, I’ve always watch you from afar. When I was in Perth, I saw a picture of you went to a club. How it breaks my heart, because as long as I guide you, I never want you to go such places. I felt like a failure. I’ve failed to guide you to the right path, it’s because I let you go. If I didn’t let you go at the first place, things like those won’t happen. Things like right now won’t happen. We will be just fine and happy with each other. It’s all me, I know it was all my fault that made you like this now. I was wrong, too ego and pride. You only asked me for a small thing, but I couldn’t give it to you. I regret it, I should’ve just done it. I should have. After I saw the picture, I know I must guide you again. So I fight, and fight. And finally I got you again in my arms, this time we last for 5 months or so, until I made another mistake. Letting you go, again. This time was hard too, there’s a third person, who you didn’t want to hurt and there’s me. Who has hurt you a several time. And you, never fails to leave my side. You were right beside me all along. It was me who walk away.
One thing about me, when it comes to you, I will never give up. Never, ever. All these things that hurting me, I know I deserve it. And it only tells me to fight more for you. Ramadhan 2013, was the month that you accept me back. It was one of the best thing that ever happened in my life, having you by my side again, I felt so alive and happy. No words can describe it, we spent so many beautiful, wonderful days together. If only I have a lot of money, I would put a ring on your finger straight away. But that is my plan anyways, in the future, someday. I know we can.
2nd January 2014, we went to Lagoon together, again, it was one of the best day of my life. Spending the whole day just the two of us, riding rides, have a dip in the pool. And remember when you don’t want to ride the roller coaster? And the ship ride? I dragged you and you rode it anyway, it’s because you don’t want me to ride it alone. And the time where we walked on the long bridge, I remember you were so scared, you can’t even walk straight, and you can’t even open your eyes. I guided you, held you so tight, and guess what? You made it through all the way. And just like our relationship, we can make it my Princess. We can guide each other to be better. I know we can. Have faith.
In the same year, we broke up. It was hurtful. I begged for you as usual, but this time it was even harder, you pushed me. So I have to get back up, and then came another girl. Who I never love. But my mistake was, when you came back, I didn’t accept you. I REGRET IT. I should’ve said “Yes.” at the first place. These things right now wouldn’t happen if I wasn’t too ego. I know I wanted you, but I couldn’t say “Yes.” I left you, all alone and hurt. I always watch you from afar, until I saw your tweets. About how you felt about that guy. I was so jealous, and with hatred I want you to feel jealous too. So I posted the picture. That you hated the most. And then you came back again begging, again, I should’ve said “Yes.”. But I didn’t, MISTAKE. MISTAKE. Is all I know. I realised that I never stop loving you, and it was you all along. So I didn’t really treat that girl well, she got bored, so we decided to stopped it. I came back to you, not you as my second choice, but always my first choice. I know I was quite cold, I’m still mad about you left me. So I wanted to build our relationship, our feelings again. Slowly from the start. I couldn’t get far, as that guy came back to you and your feelings has changed. Different. I sense it. I see it. I see how you are. I always know you, love. You’re actually head over heels for this guy. And this time it is super hard for me, to win you back. But me, I never give up.
I can sense that I’ve been treated differently, I know it’s even different by the way you treated him. I know you treat him like how you used to treat me. And it hurts so badly. 26th June 2014, you Legacy Dance Concert. Wow, it was the worst night I’ve ever had. It was okay at the start, saw your amazing performances, but then, I saw your friends, walking around sitting with their other friends, I’ve come to think, that you only came to me once. Only a few minutes then you disappeared. Until the announcer announced all performers to go on stage, then I saw you, getting up from your seat, with him. Oh my, that feeling. Because I remember you said you can’t sit with me because of the seatings. That moment, it felt like you stabbed my heart with the sharpest blade. What’s worse, I saw you guys together. You guys took pictures, he put his arms around you, you did the same. Then I saw he asked for a hug. My oh my. Only God knows how I felt, I was shaking, from head to toe. We met, you asked me to go far where he can’t see us. I asked for a hug, rejected, I asked for a picture, you said yes, I put my arms around you but you didn’t put yours around me. Rejected. Then you asked me to go home, while he can stay to wait for you. My heart broken into pieces. I walked as fast as I could to get to my car, while driving, I can’t hold it, it was the worst cry I’ve ever had. I screamed as loud as I can to get the pain out. But it just can’t because the only cure is you. And that time, the only thing that I want to do is to kill myself to end the pain, but I think of everyone. My obligations, Mmy, Ddy, and you.
After a few days, things get so much worse. I asked you questions that I already the answer. It stabbed me in the heart, multiple times. I can’t believe it when you said you’re attached to him, and you’re getting serious about it. I deserve a chance, Melia. I need it, I can change the outcome. But you didn’t let me in at all. I made mistakes, but I learn from mistakes. And after knowing he came to Malacca to see you, really breaks my heart. I didn’t even have the chance to meet you for dinner or lunch. I have no other choice but to end this pain myself. I have to let you go, I never want to leave you. I never want to let you walk away, I never want to walk away, I never want to let you go. But if I stay, I’ll hurt even more. And you did nothing about it. You’re in love with him, you don’t care about me, about us anymore. “Sexy” “Only for someone”. What am I supposed to feel? That’s not you at all. It hurts so badly. Why can’t you see or understand that I really love you and I really want us to be better. I always pray to God, hoping that I won’t see you with someone else. But nothing can stop you now. You’ve changed, people change. So do I, but I changed myself to be better, for you. My efforts awak, why can’t you see that. I just want you to come back. I’ve let you go, but you never left my mind. I keep on remembering, our memories. I can’t take you off my mind, I kept on thinking about you. I don’t even dare to sleep again because everytime I sleep, I’ll dream of us, being together. It feels so real, but when I wake up, reality kicks in. Bring me down again. I kept on seeing you in my dreams, and it hurts when I wake up.
You mean so much to me, and I would forgive you for everything you’ve done that hurt me. I don’t mind, as long as I get you back by my side. I forgive EVERTHING. It’s okay, people make mistakes. No one is perfect, and you deserve a forgiveness, and I deserve a chance. I believe in you. I know you still want us, deep inside. You are you. And the feelings will never change. Karmelia Yasmin is a girl that Dylan El Muhamady loves so much. He never love someone as much as he love her. And people make mistakes, so forgive Dylan, Melia. He needs you. Things can change, and it can be better for the two of you. And trust me, you can’t find a guy who would put his ego and pride away just to make things better. If you’re the fire, then he’ll be the water. If he’s the fire, then you’ll be the water. You can do this. Please. I never stop saying your name in my prayers, love. And I will never stop, fighting for you. I had enough running, this time I will never walk away. I will love you no matter what, no excuses, no more hiding. Because you’re the only one. And I know it’s never too late.