(via fortheloveofhawaii)Source: blaksynagogue
Almost two months since we broke up, it has been rough, sweet, lovely and heartbreaking. It ends with a heartbreaking because I finally know that I don’t have any hope left. All you gave me was false hope. At first you said you want us to be together, the next day you pushed me away and you said you don’t want to be in a relationship. I was waiting, hoping for the day to come. I was wrong, I shouldn’t put my hopes high. I feel like a fool for believing, your words and your touch. Maybe I am a fool, I let you inside my head so easily because you are my happiness. I can’t believe my happiness is the one who brings the sadness. I feel like I’m not important in your life anymore. It hurts like hell. I can see that things that coming right now are not going to be easy to cope with, to survive the aftermath.
I fell, into the deepest ocean. Don’t know when I will be able to get to the surface again. Somehow, I must swim back to the surface, slowly. Family and friends can only motivate me to swim faster, but only you can take me straight up to the highest mountain. Yes, that’s how much you mean to me. It kills me, every single day, knowing that I might not be able to feel us again. It’s funny how the last time this happened, you’re the one who beg and plead, this time I’m the one who suffer. I guess that’s how karma’s work. I must say, that I regret everything. Things that I put you through before this, I didn’t appreciate you well. Now that you left me, I realised everything. You’re the one who I need, who I crave and I care. If only I could turn back time to the night where we decided to end it, I wouldn’t say those words. I regret. The day that I lost you is the day that I lost myself.
I would do anything to have you back in my arms, I will promise you to never let you go again, I will hold you close, make sure you feel secure and cherish every moment we have. Those are my dreams, what’s yours ? I hope it’s the same. I want to hug you tight, kiss you, laugh with you and stare at you. Then you’ll start to blush, and give me a sweet smile. Oh how I miss seeing that. Your perfect smile. I love it when I drive, then you held my hand, leaned on my shoulder then sometimes you gave me a kiss. How you became ‘manja’ like a cat, and then you’ll say, “Nak luk.” with a cute face, then we hug and I never want to let you go. In my mind, I say to myself I wish I have a superpower that can stop the time and make this moment last forever. One more thing I remember, it’s kinda embarrassing, we Facetimed, and then suddenly you make a cute surprise face, then you said “I kentut.” in a cute tone. Haha sorry but I have to write it. I guess, my favourite thing when you’re around is your ‘manja-ness’.
Oh my God I miss you so much. I miss us, I miss our sweet memories together. Whenever I’m with you, I feel like I’m in heaven on earth. You’re my guardian angel that makes my heart feel calm. I want to marry you, have kids and raise them together, that’s what we always plan right ? I hope, somehow we can make it possible. The plans that we’ve made still running on my mind, because I always think about it and find the ways to make it possible. I hope someday, somehow we can make it possible. It’s a hard time for me right now.
The fact that we’re not together slowly killing me. I can’t accept it, I gave you my heart, for you to keep it safe but you dropped it and it breaks. Would you do me a favour, pick up the pieces and attach them again like how it used to be ? It won’t be the same, it has a scar all over it. I wonder what happened to you, we used to be happy together, whenever things like this happened, we always work it out. You never give up and you will be scolding me if I give up. What happened to that ? I guess I’m not that special anymore. I wish, I can make you fall in love with me again and bring back the excitement that you said has gone. But please, don’t move on. Because I can’t and I hope you won’t.
I really miss you, miss us, I want everything back to how it was because I know we were happy with each other. I hope I’m not wrong, it’s very sad for me. Are you okay with how we are right now ? Are you happy with it ? We love each other, we can’t even live without each other, we need each other. I can’t stay apart from you, I need you everyday, all the time. Knowing your presence is good enough for me. I don’t want us to end, I don’t mind if you’re busy all day and we only have like one hour to talk, I don’t mind, as long as you love me and you tell me that you love me and I’m always on your mind. We were meant for each other, our love was made for movie screens. I know you always said that you’re not going anywhere, you’re always here. But I need your love. And have the thought in my mind that says “You’re mine.” or “My girlfriend.”. I hope I still have a chance. Remember one of the notes that I gave you ? There’s this one line, “I’m here, asking a girl to love to him. I just hope I still deserve a chance to be yours once again.” I stole the line from you if you remember. So I thought I can use it too. Because when you use it on me, I cried and I accepted your request, because I know I love you.
I hope you won’t get offended with my words, it’s all what I feel inside. And correct me if I got anything wrong about what I think. I will change or add a few things if something came up in my mind. And I just write what I have in my mind, so some might not be like how I think it is. Let’s just forget about our bad and rough time together alright ? Think about the sweet, fun, lovely memories. Think about why we can’t live without each other, think about why we were so in love and why our relationship is the longest in our life so far. There are a lot more that I want to write, but I don’t know how to describe it in words.
You still have all my heart and always will.
Always keep in your mind that I love you, so much. I never stop and I don’t know how to stop. You mean so much to me, you’re my everything. I miss calling you “sayang” and I miss you calling me that too. I hope everything goes well and we will be together again. I’m still hoping and waiting for you, even it hurts me. Tell me when you’re ready for us. I love you. And I miss calling you mine.
I love you, Karmelia Yasmin.
Each day, I’m waiting for you. Still, I’m holding on. Patiently waiting. Although it’s driving me crazy, I’m dying but I know it’s going to be worth it. I have faith in you. All the love’s still there, we just need to bloom it. Slowly, we can. We’re meant for each other, I can feel that. You’re my purpose of living. I can’t stay apart from you, beautiful. Seeing your beautiful smile this morning makes me feel calm and love. Please stay and don’t go. Don’t leave me. I love you so much, and I’ve never stop loving you. ❤